Beginning at the End

Being forced to begin again at the end.
When I was motivated by good intentions. 
Depression wanted so bad to be a friend. 
The tension grew like a fungal infection. 
Felt naked without the egos protection.  
Self-imposed seclusion I allowed addiction. 
Mask and numb it all, that was the mission

Learned a lot from the failures of my past. 
Absorbed an education on a complex fact,
I am starting over, but not from scratch,
Experience at my six, it's watching my back. 
The wisdom I lacked is now fillin the cracks. 
I'm not gonna chase, I'm gonna attract. 
If I'm chasing, I'm begging, yeah fuck that. 

I discovered solace in the solitude. 
Alone I struggled with gratitude,
Fuck it be rude became my attitude. 
I couldn't identify with that dude.  
I was so dazed and fucking confused. 
Lacking intestinal fortitude,
I allowed myself to be used. 
Seen the signs I was being abused. 
I was just tryin not to come unglued.  

I'm aware of the lesson in each moment and in the people presented. 
When the moments flee, and the people leave their purpose has ended. 
Choosing a seat in the back of this class is not recommended. 
I have to keep choosing myself and be okay if some get offended. 
Be patient while my broken heart and twisted soul are mended. 
When my heart and mind are aligned and my soul and spirit are blended,
everything I say and everything do will be authentically intended. 

Gotta do it in a way that honors my values. 
Keep learnin all the shit that I'm prone to. 
Discover the why's the when's and how to's. 
That allow me to stand tall in my shoes. 
Stay more in tune, be focused on who is who. 
While simultaneously refining my truth.  

Recognized that what I'm not changing is also what I'm choosing. 
When the universe is pushing and telling me to keep it moving. 
It's making room for things I deserve,
So be ok with things I'm losing. 

Need to remember that effort is equal to the level of interest.
If they wanted to they would, they know for them what's best. 
And that's quite alright, now I know how much time to invest. 
Cause I've lived passed middle age, there's not many summers left. 
So I need to stay obsessed in my quest to be a version of me at my best. 

I can say I understand but do I complehend?
Is it really never too late to begin again?
Do I have what it takes to transcend this end?
They say "New beginnings can hide in ends" 
Believing escapes me, I guess I'll just pretend. 
Fake it til I make it and be my own best friend. 

I've lived a life of extreme peaks and valleys,
Experienced lives lived with those close to me
They may have left my side on this journey. 
So I feel I owe it to myself to man up and see,
what the rest of this life has to offer me. 

I'm gonna continue to laugh hard and love harder. 
It's gotten me this far and I promise to take it farther. 
Bring light to places within me that were a little darker. 
I've got a second chance to do it right, do it smarter.

I'm not afraid to sacrifice who I was for who I will become. 
Embrace my past and accept the things that I have done. 
Celebrate the closing of a chapter and the start of a new one. 
Begin again at the end and be a better me when it's all said and done.