Beginning at the End

I can still remember the feeling of your tiny toes kicking my hand. 
From the inside of moms belly while I whispered "I'm your dad"
At that moment I made a promise to myself, I established a pact. 
I would do anything for you and protect you from anything bad. 
I couldn't wait to meet you, I was so excited to be a girl dad. 

Teaching you about what's in the world and what I've learned,
Like how to spot someone who doesn't think trust is earned,
How to believe in yourself and what deserves your concern,
Who is in your corner and what bridges might need to burn. 

I was afraid, I was scared, absolutely fucking terrified,
I was young but my thoughts were on real world problems I've identified. 
Like, how do I raise you in a country built on racism being justified. 
And prevalent sexism contributing to people not being unified. 

I hoped that if I kept you close, my persona would rub off on you. 
But I didn't account for the other half of me having influence too. 
I admit it. I spoiled you. I thought it was what I needed to do. 
Nobody could tell me to stop, you were my zoebug, but I know I needed to. 

I can still see your look and that smile when I'd close my eyes and reminisce. 
When I'd pick you up and you would touch both my ears and wish.
That you could go with me everywhere, go anywhere, on any trip. 
Then hug me tightly and plant on my cheek, a manipulation kiss. 
It worked babygirl, I was under your spell, no way I could resist,

I loved when you'd try to pronounce words starting with the letter S. 
The sound you'd make saying snake was so cute "nnnake" and I'd agree "yes!"
Made my heart melt every single time, my emotions were just a mess. 
Especially when I'd come home and you'd run to my arms, that was the best. 

I wish you didn't have to grow, the feeling was so bittersweet. 
I knew I wouldn't be able to protect you every day of the week. 
I had to allow you to have your victories and knew there'd be defeats. 
But letting you learn on your own was something important to me. 

I vividly remember reading to you and your brother, Alice in Wonderland. 
When I would change my accent reading, using a verbal slight of hand. 
Defining a characters line so you both could imagine and understand.
Making the story come to life and the words weren't just bland.
You both would look amazed and engaged, smiling almost clapping hands.
I knew I made an impact, I knew the story was easier to understand. 

The hardest part of watching you grow,
Is knowing one day I'd have to let you go. 
All I can hope is that you and I stay close. 
Trying not to worry babygirl, God only knows. 

I can't wait to see who you'll become.
See what kind of businesses you'll run.
You definitely have the drive to get it done.
Set your goals and knock em down one by one.

My advice and guidance is your birthright.
When it seems too dark, I'll shine the light.
No matter the battle no matter the fight.
Trust yourself babygirl, it will be alright. 

I love you....
More than an echo needs to travel through an open space,
More than a marathon champion needs a steady pace. 
Remember when your lost, I will always be your homebase. 
And I will always be in your corner no matter the case.