Beginning at the End

Feels like I'm tryin to turn nickles into dimes tryin to fix my mind,
Because I don't want to lie when asked if I'm ok and I reply "I'm fine"
Knowing damn well I've been gutted and my character undermined. 
A penny for my thoughts? You're about to get ninety-five dimes.

How are you gonna furnish a promissory note of your convictions. 
When you struggle with self awareness and can't afford yourself any kind of reflection. 
So blinded by what you dont have, you can't afford to pay attention. 
You withdrew your limit from my emotional bank with no reciprocation.

Trying to stay funded and not lose my shit,
When I'm struggling and I just wanna quit. 
Took a loss to my ROI, ain't that a bitch?
I pleaded for change and she fucking kept it.

If I had a quarter for every time I considered you. 
I could start a hedge fund, shit I think I could manage two. 
When I chose you, I coined it forever, it became a value. 
You took me for granted and spent my love like you had no clue. 

My love on discount? You tried to get it cheap.
Like a new IPO ticker before it hit it's peak. 
The change I speak of is costly and it isn't free.
That's your responsibility, can't put that on me.

What did you do with all the change that we often discussed?
Did you not see the value and how it could build trust?
You looked to buy more supply, while I envisioned us. 
Holding on to receipts for things you made up is treasonous. 

I'm saving up my change for someone who believes in it's worth. 
My love isn't a commodity you can sell, like it's something you unearthed. 
Compounding my deposits in my character to assist in my rebirth. 
So that the loose change isn't spent in vain, and I can avoid the hurt.

I get it, money can't buy happiness but change can help. 
I know it can't buy love either, but there is an uncanny parallel.
Four quarters of my life and two have not been used on myself. 
I'm investing these two quarters that I have left, in my mental health.