Beginning at the End

My comfort zone is a place I played in for 30 plus years. 
Stepping out of it is a trip, it made me switch gears. 
Didn't think I had it in me but I'm facing my fears.
I listened with my eyes and she saw me with her ears. 

A mutual smile is all it took and we talked for about 20 minutes. 
Finally I said "let's get some coffee" afraid I'd hear crickets. 
She said "Sure, why not?" I said "Fantastic" and she text'd me her digits. 
She was easy on the eyes and our conversation was judicious.  

The whole week I was patting myself on the back. 
Excited that I actually had the fucking guts to ask. 
But am I ready emotionally? Is there still shit to unpack?
I've been sheltered for so long I didn't know how to act. 

The first of the "icks" hit when I ordered cream in an americano,
Her indecisiveness took five minutes to pick something so we could go. 
The look on the barista's face was a semi irritated glow. 
No caffeine, no sugar, no coffee. A latte? Is that whole milk or no?

We had a seat outside in a shaded area and talked for a few hours. 
Topics ranged from how we felt when we heard about the twin towers. 
To what type of person deserves to receive your flowers. 
She talked about her past relationship as much as I would allow her. 

The second "ick" hit when I suggested we go grab a bite to eat. 
Now, I'm all about paying I have no problem taking the receipt. 
If she offered I would have said "I got the bill, no worries, my treat"
Recognized that my values were screaming she might not be the one for me. 

After lunch I brought her home and said "I enjoyed her company and we should do this again."
I'm all about opportunity and wanted to see if those "icks" were real and not for pretend. 
She agreed and said "I'm busy this coming week, just let me know when."
I hit her up a few days later and when she canceled I said "no worries. I'm coo just being friends"

This is dating? How do people do this without getting discouraged?
Maybe I'm just old or maybe I should be absolutely outraged. 
I'm coo just being alone and enjoying my own company for a change. 
Dating is for a younger generation unsure of how to aim down range.  

I will not chase,
That is going to be my motto,
This isn't a race,
Everyone wants to hit the lotto. 

I'm going to stay in my lane. 
And watch others go insane. 
Enjoying autonomy is a bit arcane. 
This is my evolutionary campaign.