Beginning at the End

If I can just recognize my patterns,
I can fix the things that matter.
My thoughts are like the mad hatter, 
Presenting riddles without an answer.

I need to face my history with tact,
It's terrifying uncovering that mask.
Wrestling with the trauma of my past,
What happened? Why am I compelled to act?

My feet hurt tap dancing around horrific feelings of being revealed. 
Those intimate personal tragedies are things I locked up and sealed. 
Why am I quick to respond with contempt when my soul's been peeled?
Can I absorb the abusive talk and not construct a defensive shield?

Am I a people pleaser because of my ambivalence?
If I say "no", Why do I feel a level of insolence?
Can I make a decision and not worry about my innocence?
These patterns are difficult to assign meaning and relevance.

The expense is steep when trying to disrupt generational cycles,
Can I afford to grieve the loss of identity? or will I choose to remain idle. 
Patterns reveal the self destructive danger, acknowledgement is vital. 
If I have to kill the personality of my past does that make me suicidal?

When I feel backed into a corner, I have to pivot.
When I feel I lack the answer, trust in me must be implicit.
When my gut is telling me otherwise, don't dismiss it. 
Identifying my patterns frees my mind, my body and my spirit.