Beginning at the End

It wasn’t a search for happiness, I think that’s why it cut so deeply. 

Working through our problems together was always what motivated me. 

I can’t move on the way that you did latching onto someone so quickly. 

How do I come to terms knowing that you may have never loved me.

My heart’s still under the impression that you did, unconditionally.

But my mind says fuck that, that’s not how safe love is supposed to be. 

Could it be that my guidance and support was a narcissistic tendency?

We had so many discussions about the ego and the type of parasite it can be. 

I offered you books that I read while searching for answers to our codependency. 

Hoping you’d feel obligated to find some personal accountability. 

Because that’s what I was doing, I could sense our love just wasn’t healthy. 

I still can’t believe that you resisted facing yourself so defiantly,

Even though the love of your life was crying out for some help, candidly. 

Why was playing the victim and supporting your narrative more important than me?

Was the need for validation from others more important then evolving emotionally?

I loved you so much that it nearly destroyed me. 

Can I tell myself be on your team and root for you endlessly?

Or do I want to let go of you and every single memory. 

It hurts so much to know that we could have done it together if you could have just looked deeply at me. 

Letting go sucks because I know it’s whats best for me mentally. 

I’m gonna force myself to do it and accept it with shame, guilt, pain, anguish and humility.